1980 was the greatest year of my life! I remember the day I got stoned at school and stared at a dandelion in right field for about an hour and realized everything that I needed to know about life: look beautiful, have tons of sex, spread your seed in every direction. This philosophy guided me for twenty years until the courts tracked me down and I had to pay a lot of child support to random girls with bogus claims. Then I changed my name, moved to another state and got married to a Thai girl (?) that I met on the Internet. She/he didn’t speak a word of English, but was sexy as hell and that lasted more than year. Now I’m divorced but it is harder to fulfill my life’s purpose at my age because all the hot women are moms and still married. I recently thought of a new life purpose that fits better with being a bachelor English teacher–change the world, revolutionize education, spread wisdom–and that has been even almost better than sex!