I Have No Feelings

There’s this other teacher who the kids are always talking about being a great teacher and I’m like, “What’s so great about her?” And Blake said, “Mrs. M actually teaches you stuff.” And I said, “Hmm. You mean she stands up in front of the class and lectures all period?” And he said, “Sometimes, but she’s actually interesting. Usually we have discussions about the book.” I said, “Does she do magic tricks or use technology or have karaoke fridays?”
“No. She’s a serious teacher. None of this BS.”
And that was the first detention I’d ever given in the history of my teaching career.
Blake protested: “BS is not a bad word,” he said.
“I know. I’m giving you detention for being mean.”
“Mean? To whom? To you?”
I changed into my robot voice: “I am not affected by your words. I have no feelings. I am a robot.”
“Your request does not compute. Sit down in your seat. I will dispense learning into your brain. Take this pill…It is full of knowledge.”
I placed a Tootsie Roll in his hand, but he dropped it on the floor and walked out. I found later that he went to his counselor and switched back into Mrs. M’s class.
So all is right in the world…I guess.

Easy Fix


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